Five Little Things that make me Happy

1. My cats 

When I used to live at home, I never really let my cats in my room, but recently every time I go home I let them both curl up on the bed with me at night time. I absolutely love falling asleep to their purrs and waking up next to them for morning snuggles.

2. Placing a focus on my health

Over the past few weeks I have been trying hard to change my mind set with respect to health, trying to teach myself that what is going on on the inside is just as important as what your body looks like on the outside. I definitely would not say I am 'happy' when I am in the gym, and the journey is a lot harder than I thought it would be. But I'm trying... we all start somewhere.

3. Reading Harry Potter (again)

I associate the Harry Potter series with many different moments of my childhood. In particular, when I was reading the last book in the series for the first time, shortly after its release, something incredibly personal was going on simultaneously in my life, and for some reason I have always credited these books for helping me get through that (sad, I know). Therefore, rereading them, like I do on many occasions, makes me appreciate life and I love nothing more than removing myself from reality and escaping into this world.

4. The Return of my Pink Hair 

I decided to dye my hair pink again... I quite often make these impulse appearance changes when I'm feeling stressed, however I think my parents definitely appreciate the temporary nature of this as opposed to the time I impulsively got my nose pierced.

5. Music 

At the moment I am particularly loving James Blake, Tom Odell and Aiden Grimshaw. None of which are particularly new albums, they are just fantastically written.

Shoot for the Stars - Lush Bath Bomb

This morning I woke up and ate a cupcake for breakfast... I slightly redeemed myself by going to the gym, before coming home and soaking into a bath with this amazing Lush Bath Bomb, and began reading the Harry Potter series again (for around the eighth time). What a perfect Monday morning.

Bath time is my favourite time; when I'm home from uni I will have a bath every single day, and if you team that bath with a good book, a lovely bath bomb and some candles, there's a good chance I will not surface again for well over an hour. (My all time record currently stands at three baths in one day). My mum knows how much I cherish my bathtimes, and got me not one, not two but TEN lush bath bombs for Christmas, all wrapped up in an massive box, beautifully tied up with ribbons and tissue paper. Perfection.

My only issue now though is that I adore lush bath bombs so much that I am trying (and failing) to save them for 'special occasions'... a feat that is not going too well considering I had used three of them before I'd even come back from holiday over Christmas... But it was well worth it as I can now honestly say that the only thing better than a lush bath is a lush bath on holiday.

This morning I chose the 'Shoot for the Stars' bath bomb, and it was literally the funnest bath bomb I have ever used... (I never really thought I'd describe a bath bomb as fun but it's been a long few weeks of revision so you'll have to excuse the mush that my brain has been reduced to)... I barely even got any of Harry Potter read because I was so enthralled watching the massive 200g bath bomb fizzle away around me. The only way I can really describe it was by saying I felt like I was sat in the middle of Van Gogh's 'Starry Night' painting, because the bath water looked like that exact mixture of blue, yellow and white swirling around me. Even now I am still trying to scrub the glitter off my body, but that is a small price to pay... Bathe in glitter and sparkle all day!

I hope all your Monday's started off on a positive note too!

Overcoming Anxiety

[Source]

Recently a few of my blog posts have touched on personal issues. Exactly two years ago today marks the anniversary of an event that changed my life. It was probably the closest I have come to hitting what I would describe as my own personal 'rock bottom'. Some people will struggle to understand that statement, as I have a happy home life, a loving family, a boyfriend who I adore... I was studying at university, I got good grades in school... on the outside I was living a pretty perfect text book life, but on the inside I was battling with crippling anxiety- (and it is thanks to my amazing support system that I am now in a place, two years on, where I can talk about my experiences with honesty in the hope of helping someone out there do the same.) J K Rowling once said 'rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life'. And sitting here now I feel the exact same.

I can't remember a time in my life where I haven't felt inferior to somebody else around me, be it in academic achievements, personality, talent, body shape. I am guilty of constantly comparing myself to other people, over analysing myself and my achievements in comparison to those of the people who surround me and time and time again the conclusion of this analysis was that I was not good enough. I went to an extremely academic school, and although I loved my time there, I constantly struggled with the fact that every subject I considered myself to excel in, there was someone else who was just that little bit better. It was not that I had a desire to be the best or to be better than anyone else, I just longed to not feel inferior. It was when I was around 16 that I finally found what I thought was my niche, the talent and passion that I possessed that made me special and made me shine. I fell in love with video art, moving image, film, animation... and actually found out I was pretty good at it. While most class mates were studying towards A-levels in science and maths, with the majority of my year hoping to head to university to study medicine, law, economics, PPE; I was focused on Art and Graphic Design, and had set my heart on being accepted into the prestigious Art School, University of the Arts London, a place where Alexander McQueen, Stella McCartney, Henry Holland and Jimmy Choo had all found their success. The day I was accepted, was at the time my biggest achievement to date. For the first time in my life I felt so proud and excited that I was going to be amongst those who were considered 'the best' in their field, and I had finally earnt my place amongst them.

What I failed to realise was that once I got there, I would no longer feel like the big 'graphic design' fish in the small pond that was my school, but instead I would feel like a very very small fish in a very very big pond. To say I was out of my depth would be a complete understatement. I had never lived on my own before, cooked for myself, looked after myself, let alone done those things in London, a complete world away from what my life at home was like. I took this completely for granted. I wasn't feeding myself properly, I wasn't sleeping properly. The stress and pressure I piled on myself to try and keep up with the reputation I had set led me to a daily routine of work work work. Anything I did which did not involve my sketchbook or camera filled me with an overwhelming surge of guilt and all I could think about was the amount I still had to do, I was carrying a huge burden around with me and I wouldn't let anyone else help me carry it. Eventually, keeping all of this bottled up inside me led to a rapid health deterioration... the panic attacks started- dizzy spells, physical sickness, migraines, shortness of breath... they were horrible periods of my life, and ones that I was ashamed of. How could I admit to anyone that my perfect dream to go to the perfect Art School was not at all the perfect life that I imagined? How could I admit that the one thing I felt like I could succeed in was not making me happy? I had drained myself not only of energy, but of personality. I was a shell of the person that I once was, I felt lost and isolated and didn't recognise the person that I was becoming/ had become. 

The point of this blog post isn't just to share my own experiences, but to try and help others who may feel the same. I had come to the point where I accepted that in order to succeed, these feelings were a bi-product that I would just have to deal with. This is not the case... I eventually admitted I needed help, and more importantly I wanted help. I no longer wanted to be that person anymore, I wanted to be the happy, bubbly person that I was before this journey to 'success' began. Asking for help is hard, I will still admit that it was the hardest thing I have ever done; but it is also the best thing I have ever done. Earlier, I said that being accepted to UAL was the proudest moment of my life. That is no longer the case... my proudest moment was when I finally took a step back and was honest not only to the people I love but to myself. I needed help. I asked for help.... and guess what? I got help. No one laughed, no one judged. 

And now, exactly two years to the day, I am sat feeling happier and prouder than I ever have in my life. I finally feel so content with where I am, remembering that panic is only possible if we allow ourselves to imagine the worst case scenario. Anxiety is a normal human emotion, it is something that we will all experience at some point in our lives. This anxiety becomes and issue however, when it causes an overwhelming fear, resulting in a rush of adrenaline casing panic attacks when your body is in no real danger. I urge anyone who feels this way to seek help, because I did and I am now panic attack free. The journey will not be a smooth one, but I promise you that it can be done with the right attitude and the right support system around you.

You are stronger than your fears.

Gluten Free Cupcakes

Baking used to be one of my favourite hobbies, but since cutting gluten out of my diet I completely lost all passion for it. After baking these gluten free brownies the other week, I was keen to get back into the habit. For Christmas, my brother bought me a gluten free baking recipe book and some gluten free baking sets and this morning I tested them out for the first time.

The principle is very much the same as baking 'normal' cupcakes, with the addition of any form of gluten free flour (barley, buckwheat etc.), instead of usual self-raising flour. These are pretty widely available from most big supermarkets or health shops, but do cost an absolute fortune as with all gluten free alternatives. 

Ingredients:

125g unsalted butter

125g caster sugar

125g gluten free flour

2 medium eggs

vanilla extract

Method

Preheat the oven to 180°C

Mix the butter, flour, eggs and sugar together (all recipes advise using electric whisks, but I kind of think this is cheating and always prefer the old school wooden spoon method), until a smooth batter is formed... the batter was a lot more 'wet' than a normal cake batter, but after some panic googling I found out this is normal for gluten free cakes

Spoon the mixture into cupcake cases and bake for 15-18 minutes

Enjoy :)

Little Ways to Deal with Stress

After writing this blog post a few days ago, I have been inundated with so many emails, comments and tweets from people who really connected with the topic that I wrote about. It made me so happy to read phrases like 'for what it's worth I think you're an incredibly inspiring person', and it is comforting to know that so many of you can relate to the feeling of piling too much pressure on yourself. Therefore I have decided to do a little advice post, outlining some of the ways I deal with my own stress, in the hope that it may help a few of you out too!

1. Do things for yourself - working towards someone else's goal is never going to be as rewarding as working towards something that you want to achieve for yourself. It is an incredibly difficult thing to do, but try and separate yourself from what other people want you to achieve, and focus on what you would be happy with personally. Goals you set for yourself can be as big or small as you wish, but you will never feel pride or a sense of accomplishment if you haven't set out to realise these ambitions for your own benefit. 

2. Be realistic - Whatever it is you are working towards completing; be it revision, coursework deadlines, fitness goals etc., these are usually long processes, and the start of the journey will always be the hardest. When you are a long way from reaching your ultimate aim it can be hard to stay on track and motivate yourself to keep moving in the right direction, especially when you feel you are no closer to achieving anything than when you started. Don't assume that you can wake up one day and cram all the information into your head, or go on a 10k run after years of never working out... setting yourself these unrealistic targets will only lead to negativity when you fail to complete them. Instead, set realistic goals to be completed in a comfortable and attainable time frame, giving yourself rewards if you manage to achieve them ahead of schedule. 

3. Bad days happen - and when they do, you need to pick yourself up and move forwards. We all need time off every now and again, and that is OK. No one is expecting you to wake up at 6 A.M. and sit at a desk cramming your head full of information until you go to sleep at 10 P.M. It is physically impossible to retain all that information, and your brain will just switch off and become less effective by doing so. Giving yourself breaks will actually benefit your ability to absorb facts. Sometimes it's important to listen to your own body and mind... if revision isn't working for you that day, give yourself a day off and wake up tomorrow with a positive mind set that today you will get back on track. Every day is a new one, so don't dwell on the failures from the day before. (I could probably do with taking my own advice a bit on this one!)

4. Don't compare yourself to others - This one is without a doubt my biggest downfall. The most important thing to remember is that we are all different, we all work in different ways, deal with things in different ways and react differently when faced with the same situation. I have spent far too many revision periods in my life worrying about how many hours a day my friends are doing, what subjects they are prioritising, how many words have they written for the coursework etc... and at the end of the day this does nothing but stress you out. We all have different techniques that work for us, so try not to focus on others and focus on bringing yourself closer to the goal that you want to achieve.

5. Look at the Bigger Picture - For me, the thing responsible for the majority of my stress is a fear of failure... However, it is not just the principle of 'failing', it is the principle of having to admit that failure to other people. I remember waiting for university offers, not wanting to tell anyone where I had applied in case someone asked me the outcome and I would have to admit rejection, when sitting exams I always tell people a mark I would be happy with which is much less than reality for the exact same reason. It's a hard situation when you know you haven't failed in the literal sense of declining to pass, but failed against the much harsher expectations that you have placed against yourself. It can be a difficult thing to do, but try and take a step back from the situation, take your own over analysis out of the equation and start to look at the bigger picture. What ever it is you have achieved, you can be almost certain there are hundreds, if not thousands of people in the world who would love to have accomplished the same, and no matter what the final outcome the most important thing is that you didn't give up. You stuck something out and saw it through to the end, and that is an accomplishment in itself.

Good luck with whatever goals you are aiming to achieve over the next 12 months, as someone told me when I was young... aim for the stars, because if you miss the clouds will break the fall

2014: A Year in Review

2014 has without a doubt been the best year of my life. It has marked some pretty amazing events and achievements, cemented some of the best friendships of my life, and it was the year that I started my blog.

Looking back to this time even just two years ago I find it hard to believe how much my life has changed. I have gone from studying at Art school, hoping to pursue a career in animation, thinking I would live and work in London for the rest of my life, to moving back to Manchester, meeting some of the best friends I have ever had, studying towards a degree in something that I love, and actually being happy. Some of the choices I have had to make over the past few years were not easy, but now I can confidently sit here and say that it was these struggles, revelations and changes that have come to play a part in making me the person I am today, and in turn have made the last 12 months the best of my life.

Clockwise from top left:

1. January - The start of a year is always a difficult one for me, as I feel that it is our successes and failures within this month that can alter your mind set and determine the positivity (or lack of) that you approach the rest of the year with. This picture was taken the day I moved back to Manchester after Christmas, showing my 15th floor view overlooking the city centre. I seriously miss this view now that my bedroom stares directly into an office block.

2. February - This was probably the first month where I realised that worrying and stressing will not change what is meant to happen. It was the month that I sat down and wrote my first ever blog post... It's still quite hard to comprehend how much my blog has grown and become such an integral part of my life since then. 

3. March - The month I turned 20. It was a weird birthday for me... it felt strangely 'grown up', no more teenage years... However, it was definitely one of my best birthdays to date. My birthday the previous year was awful, so I was seriously dreading this one, which I think was what made it all the better when I realised there were lots of people who truly care about me and made it a very special day.

4. April - Me and my boyfriend went to Iceland, one of the most beautiful places I have ever visited in my life. I have never experienced anything as breathtaking as seeing the Northern Lights and doubt I will ever experience anything to top that. 

5. May - I celebrated another anniversary with Jonny... We both take the same view that it is scary how long we have been together considering we are so young, but ever since I have known him he has always been 100% supportive of me. He is the only person who knows exactly what my incredibly introverted mind is thinking, even when I haven't uttered a word. 

6. June - I spent the month in London on an internship as a Fashion Buyer at the House of Fraser head office. An amazing experience, but one that I was absolutely shitting it for. It was the first time I had lived in London since moving back up North, and it was such a daunting prospect. But I proved myself wrong, it was an incredible month filled with amazing experiences and I got to share so much of it with friends who were living down there too.

7. July - July marked two trips to majorca, the first with my parents and boyfriend, and the second with my first ever friend and both our mums... I don't think I've ever laughed so much over the space of month in my whole life. (..oh and there was the small fact that I found out my blog had been shortlisted to win Best New Beauty Blog in the Cosmo Blog Awards).

8. August - Another internship, this time in Manchester in fashion marketing with swimwear and fitness wear company South Beach Swim. It was during this month that I knew that I was pursuing the right career... the people I worked with were amazing and it felt so incredible to be working as a 'full time blogger' for five weeks.

9. September - Dubai. The most incredible week of my life. Me and three people that mean so much to me just shared so many unbelievable memories. Swimming with dolphins, paddle boarding, going up the tallest tower in the world and having night time snuggles with copious amounts of chocolate.

10. October - The Cosmo Blog Awards. There really isn't much more I can say other than I still can't believe I made it into the top 9 in my category from 47,000 entries. Thank you again to everyone that has supported me... it seriously means a lot.

11. November - Busy busy busy. November was a stressful month for me, I had a lot of uni work to submit, but I did it, and still managed to attend a lot of amazing blogger events too with some of the nicest blogging girls I know. 

12. December - Finding out that I was shortlisted to win 'Young Person's Recognition' in the UK Blog Awards was the absolute cherry on top of an amazing year... Oh and what better way to end the year than with another holiday to Majorca with my family.

You Sexy Mother Pucker*

If there's one thing Soap and Glory have absolutely nailed, it's their branding. There's just something so wonderfully kitsch about the tongue in cheek play on the 1940's housewife theme, their packaging is always so cute, and they have really successfully marketed themselves into a completely unique skincare platform. For a number of years, they have been one of my favourite beauty brands and these products go to show that they are still very much on top of their game.

I had such a lovely surprise a few weeks ago. I had come home from one of my last days in uni before breaking up for the Christmas holidays (hooray for whoever invented January exams... literally the most effective way to ensure your Christmas holidays are completely ruined with stress), I was incredibly worn down, having been working for hours on end to get my big coursework deadlines submitted in time, and a few days at home was exactly what I needed. I had been home for an hour or so, when the postman arrived with a big box- not unusual given my mum's online shopping habit is only marginally better than my own- but the surprise came when the name on the parcel was mine... Initially I was struck with a weird panic thinking my shopping addiction had got to the point where I had started ordering things online and then actually manage to completely forget all about them... as far as I was aware I wasn't expecting any parcels at all (a rare occurrence). I opened the parcel to find a lovely note from the girls at Soap and Glory, and these gorgeous sets of products. Well done Soap and Glory, sending me surprise gifts only gives me more reasons to love you.

I remember being about 15 and discovering 'Sexy Mother Pucker' for the first time... it was Soap and Glory's 'lip plumping' lip gloss, it gave you the oddest tingly sensation before plumping your lips to rival Kylie Jenner's instagram pout. As well as being an amazing product, we had hours of fun seeing how much we could withstand before the tingle became too much, so when opening these new lip crayons from the same range I felt so weirdly nostalgic and couldn't wait to try them. The colours are so lovely; a pale almost nude pink, a more 'rosy' pink, and a deeper plumby-pink colour (my fave).

I am a frequent purchaser of 'Butter Yourself'. It is a lovely, thick body moisturiser/ body butter that I have been an avid user of for many years. However, being a creature of habit, I have never tried any of the other body butters offered by Soap and Glory. 'Sugar Crush' smells absolutely incredible, and I think it may be a contender for my new favourite! It shares a very similar consistency with Butter Yourself, but of smells like a sugary cocktail and makes me feel all summery, which is perfect as I am not a lover of these cold days and dark winter nights.

Thank you Soap and Glory for such a lovely present!

Topshop Beauty Haul*

Blush Brush - £8; Stippling Brush - £8; Bronzing Illuminator in Reflect - £12.50; Matte Lipstick - £8

*This is a Topshop x Amy Elizabeth collaboration

For me, Christmas always brings a replenishment of money from generous family friends and distant relatives, and I am always so tempted to blow it all on high end beauty products... consequently spending the rest of January and February waiting anxiously for my birthday in March where my bank balance will (hopefully) be topped up a bit more, only for me to do the exact same. Years of this routine have left me with draws upon draws filled with beauty products, make up, bath bombs, skin care products etc.... and a slightly less full savings account. 

Therefore, this year, I decided to try and switch some of these high-end splurges and try out the best of the high street beauty offering, (with thanks to Topshop Beauty). Last year, Topshop gifted me a number of products from their new Face range, and despite my initial reservations I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the products, and their foundation has replaced my much more expensive Benefit foundation ever since. (Read all about it here). Therefore when I was contacted again about trying some more of their products I couldn't resist. I have been after some new make up brushes for a while now... in 2015 I plan to start with a complete fresh set and actually look after them and clean them on a regular basis. Although I love my current brushes, they are damaged and fatigued from daily use and very sparse cleaning, so I chose the blush brush and the stippling brush, considering foundation and blush/bronzer are the two most frequently used brushes in my collection. I currently used a flat foundation brush, but have read so many great blog reviews about stippling brushes over the past few months that I thought I would go for a change and give it a try. I applied foundation to the back of my hand and used to brush to dab it onto the main areas of my face (forehead, T-section, chin), before blending. I already much prefer this shape of brush as it provides a much more even coverage and doesn't result in streaks.... also both brushes are so incredibly soft they feel so lovely against the skin.

If you're a frequent reader of my blog, you will know that I always bang on about how I want to try purple/plum lipstick and always chicken out at the last minute and end up purchasing something slightly more subtle.... well this time I decided to take the plunge and go for this purple matte lipstick. I was already a lover of Topshop lipsticks as they have such an immense staying power (especially this dark shade... it took some serious scrubbing to get off), but for me that's perfect. I'm a lazy make-up maintainer, so if I'm off out I want something that will stay put all night and not smudge after one drink.

The bronzing powder is by far my favourite product. Bronzer is my favourite make up item as it is so versatile and can be used to contour as well as illuminate. I was previously using Benefit's 'Hoola', a product which I still love, however, this powder contains three different shades, making contouring and high-lighting much more simple. You can either sweep the brush across all three, leaving them as seperate shades, and then gently blending with the finger after application, or swirl all three together for a standard bronzer-like application.

All of these products are so reasonably priced and are of a much higher quality than the price suggests... if like me you're looking for a slightly cheaper make-up option this year  then I cannot recommend Topshop beauty enough.