Breaking the Cycle of Negative Self Image

photo Screen Shot 2016-05-07 at 11.57.47_zpspfkbekkh.png

For as long as I can remember I have had a heightened awareness of my appearance; I vividly remember being sat on a swing with my friend Chloe, I must've been no older than nine at the time, when she told me her weight and I felt my self worth crumble at the thought that I weighed more than her. At twelve, I started to notice unwelcome changes in my body as I began to go through puberty; fat began to line my hips creating curves that I did not want and as I looked in the mirror my thighs were reflected as a map of cellulite and stretch marks. I always hoped that I'd grow out of this uncomfortable sense of not belonging in my body, assuming that soon it would stop changing around me and I would grow into a confident woman; these bodily changes just being a necessary part of the journey. Although now I know that to be true, that reality still didn't dawn on me for nearly ten years later. 

I could blame the media, but the reality is I was blissfully unaware of photshop as a nine year old girl sat on that swing, and instagram filters had not yet been invented as that twelve year old girl struggling with her changing body. I believe my insecurities stemmed from my obsession with control; I don't drink because I hate feeling like something else could be influencing my decisions, I write to do lists for my to do lists, I stress unbelievable amounts, and when all these stresses used to pile up I believed that while the rest of my life was a chaotic mess, the one thing in all of that that I could control was myself. And by myself I meant my body. But how wrong I was. It's so sad that appearance can make us feel the way it does... The fact that something so far out of our control can do just that: control us and control our opinions of our self worth. While I thought I was controlling my body, my body was actually controlling me. Enter: the vicious circle of negative self image.

How did I eventually remove myself from this circle? I learnt to love myself. I learnt to eat clean, I learnt to love exercise and the way it made me feel, I learnt to accept that if I lived my life as healthily as i possibly could, I had to love my body for however it decided to adapt as a result of this. I had a realisation that for the first time in my life I was actually taking care of my body on the inside, not just focusing on how it looked on the outside. Caring for your health and looking after your body on a cellular level is so much more rewarding than focusing on the singular artificial outer level. Why do you allow your self worth to be determined by your reflection in a mirror, when in reality health and happiness go so much deeper than what the mirror can ever show you. I began to prioritise health over aesthetics, and finally realised that the way my body looks is far out of my control, but what is in my control is my health. I know now that I am feeding my body the vitamins and minerals it needs to perform to the best of it's ability, I am providing my muscles with the protein they need to grow stronger, my body is no longer running on empty wondering when it'll next receive nutrition and feeling so healthy and strong is incredibly empowering.

Below are my little tips to help you fall back in love with yourself:

001. Take time to appreciate yourself - At the end of every day write down something you have done to be proud of, something that has happened that day that has made you smile, or a positive event. Taking time to appreciate something so small can help you to remember that you are worth so much more than your physical appearance. Each night I write in my 'One Line A Day' journal, and if I'm ever feeling down I will read through some entries to remind myself that I am more than just a body, I am a human with the ability to laugh, smile and be happy.

002. Stop focusing on your flaws - No one else psychoanalyses how your legs look in that photo on Facebook as much as you do. We spend so much time focusing on the aspects of our appearance that we are unhappy with, but the reality is most other people probably haven't even noticed whatever it is you're so hung up about. Instead of wasting so much time focusing on the negatives, spend time focusing on the parts of your body that you are happy with.

003. Be at peace with your mind - Decide what it really is that you want from your body and channel all your negative energy in to achieving it (and try to put aesthetics aside). When you wake up in the morning do you want to feel strong/ fit/ athletic/ agile/ healthy? Once you really know how you want to feel internally, you will begin to feel so much more at peace with yourself externally.

004. Be confident in yourself - Learn to be proud of who you are. No one will support you as much as you will support yourself, so be bold and stand up for what you believe in. As soon as you begin to feel confident in yourself and aren't afraid to let others know you will feel so much more content. 

005. Smile. It helps, I promise.

50 Little Things That Make My Soul Happy

photo Screen Shot 2016-05-07 at 11.57.47_zpspfkbekkh.png

001. My cats when they're snuggled up on my bed
002. My body's ability to consistently wake up before the sun, meaning I get to watch it rise
003. Lazy Sunday cooked breakfasts
004. Bubble baths
005. Bath bomb baths
006. Any baths
007. Proper belly laughs
008. Books for allowing my mind to escape into another world
008. The sunshine (even if it is hidden behind cloud the majority of the time)
009. Daffodills
010. The colour yellow
011. Friends who always know what's best for me, even if I don't know it myself
012. Health
013. The gym for being the best form of therapy
014. Cups of green tea and girly late night snuggles in my mum's bed
015. Harry Potter
016. Blogging
017. And the people I have met doing it
018. Good hair days
019. Scrunchies
020. Smoothies
021. When I go to a restaurant and they actually cater to Gluten Free
022. Yoga pants
023. My marshmallow bed
024. The run up to Christmas and the magical feeling it gives me
025. Giving people presents
026. Baking
027. Taking photographs, especially with my polaroid
028. Majorca
029. Going on breakfast dates
030. Realising I'm becoming more confident and comfortable in myself
031. People who say 'good morning' when you pass them on a walk
032. Skipping
033. When I hit a PB in the gym
034. 99% dark chocolate
035. Full moons
036. When you wake up just before your alarm goes off
037. When your tweet is exactly 140 characters
038. The word smushy
039. When you discover a really good series on Netflix
040. Peanut butter
041. Ginger green tea
042. When clouds look like the wallpaper from Toy Story
043. Unicorns
044. Daydreaming
045. Writing in my diaries every night
046. Taking my make up off
047. Swimming
048. Sheep
049. Deep meaningfull conversations long into the night
050. 11:11 wishes

Three High Protein, Low Calorie Smoothie Recipes

photo Screen Shot 2016-05-07 at 11.57.47_zpspfkbekkh.png

I love nothing more than starting my day with a nourishing, filling and refreshing smoothie, especially when I know it is full to the brim of detoxing ingredients, energy bursting vitamins and most importantly for my training: protein. I would never usually promote replacing meals with shakes or smoothies, the only reason these are acceptable breakfast replacements is the high protein content, meaning they are still providing essential macronutrients to the body. My smoothie bowls and jars have been getting a lot of attention on instagram recently, so I decided to share my three favourite recipes with you so you can give them a go yourself! For all of the below just blend together the ingredients in a nutribullet or similar and enjoy!

001. Super High Protein Berry Blast -

Ingredients:
40g Protein World Slender Blend Unflavoured
Ice
Cold brewed ginger green tea (stew tea bags overnight in the fridge)
A hand full of frozen mixed summer berries

002. Detox Green Protein Bowl -

Ingredients:
20g Protein World Slender Blend Unflavoured
A hand full of kale
45g mango
A small apple (chopped)
An inch of fresh ginger (peeled)
A teaspoon of Vivid matcha green tea powder
Cold brewed ginger green tea

003. Super Simple Sweet Smoothie

Ingredients:
20g Protein World Slender Blend Unflavoured
A hand full of Kale
A hand full of mixed frozen summer berries
45g mango
A small apple (chopped)
Ice
A tablespoon of Chia Seeds
A pinch of spirulina powder

The Healthy Body Kit*

photo Screen Shot 2016-05-07 at 11.57.47_zpspfkbekkh.png

Recently I was contacted by new company 'The Healthy Body Kit' , a monthly subscription box service aiming to "help women like ourselves become a little bit healthier - inside and out". Think birchbox-meets-Graze - a monthly supply of fitness supplements, organic skincare, health supplements and clean eats.

HOW IT WORKS

You can subscribe to receive your own monthly Healthy Body Kit HERE and each month a box of products will arrive at your house, giving you the opportunity to try some great new healthy and natural products. On top of this, you will also receive online access to 'A Healthier You', offering fitness tips and discount codes for a number of different brands each month.

 

THIS MONTH'S KIT

001. Purition Raw Vegan Hemp Protein Sachets - Three flavours of dairy free, gluten free protein shake to try. We are all aware of the benefits of protein, especially if you are partaking in regular exercise and want to promote lean muscle growth. However, it is surprising how few of us actually reach our daily protein goals. With 14g of protein per shake and 200 calories or less per serving, these shakes are a great post-workout snack to get those extra protein macronutrients into your diet.

 

002. Konjac Sponge Co. 100% Vegetable Fibre Face Sponge - I have absolutely fallen in love with this product (so much so that I will be posting a separate blog post giving more detail about uses, benefits and a full product review). In short, the Konjac sponge gently exfoliates and deeply cleanses the skin without causing irritation, making it perfect for people who suffer from sensitive skin. 

 

003. OptiBac Probiotics - A probiotic filled with live cultures and natural bacteria to help fight against common female conditions such as cystitis and thrush by balancing out the good bacteria in the body. It is recommended to take two capsules daily with food for the most effective results.

 

004. Tan Organic - The world's first and only "Eco-certified self tanning brand". The tan is made from 100% natural ingredients and acts as a moisturising oil whist also providing a natural and subtle glowing tan. I am yet to try this product, as I am waiting for some more sunny days before starting my fake tanning for this year, however, since I spend so much on skincare and make up that is kind on the skin, natural eco-friendly fake tan is something I am certainly excited about replacing my usual chemical-filled tans with.

The Lazy Girl's Guide to 'Clean Snacking'

photo Screen Shot 2016-05-07 at 11.57.47_zpspfkbekkh.png

Snacking has been given a bad reputation within the fitness and health world. I can't count the amount of times friends of mine have given up snacking between meals in a bid to quickly lose weight before a holiday or important event. It has been drilled into us that we must eat three meals a day, at set times a day, and god forbid anything carby enter your body after 6p.m. (do you really think your body knows or cares what time of day it is?!) In reality, we should eat when we are hungry and stop when we are full... just like we used to back in cave man days when there was no 'breakfast isle' in Tesco advising you that sugar filled processed cereal is evidently a suitable way to start your day. Food is fuel, and we should treat it as such... In fact I can't remember the last time I actually ate three meals in a day. Before jumping to conclusions that I must be unhealthily restricting my diet (I'm not), or constantly snacking on crisps and chocolate (I definitely am not), the reality is that I train extremely hard most days, meaning I eat to refuel that body as and when it is needed. I am a picker, and always have been. I hate large meals, I hate feeling full and would much rather nibble on things when my body is telling me that it needs some more energy, NOT like clockwork at the same time every day. And you know what? As long as your body is hitting its calorie and macronutrient goals then it really doesn't matter. The only situation when snacking becomes a problem is when it is adding additional and unnecessary calories to your daily total.

So if like me, you're a self confessed snacker, but want to expand your horizons and try some new and healthy 'clean snacks' (and really can't be bothered whipping up your own), then give some of the products listed below a try! All personal favourites of mine and all refined sugar free, gluten free and high in protein.

001. Vita Coco Coconut Water - Personal fave: lemonade flavour. I don't need to harp on about the benefits of coconut water post workout as I'm sure you've read it all before, but the long and short of it is it's a great and natural way to rehydrate, replace lost electrolytes and it tastes absolutely S E N S A T I O N A L. If I could be put on a drip of this stuff I would.

002. Vivid Matcha Green Tea - Pictured above is both the pre-made unsweetened matcha green tea drink (super refreshing and great served cold or blended in a Nutribullet with ice to make a green-tea-slushy-come-little-piece-of-heaven), and the natural powder form which can be used to make your own. Matcha is basically green tea in its purest form- when you drink matcha you consume the entire leaf meaning 100% of the nutrients and around 100 times more antioxidents than regular green tea. Amazing for metabolism, fighting infections, strengthening immune system and providing energy post workout.

003. Fit Bites - My new favourite thing. I discovered this really recently in the Selfridges Food Hall (and don't get me wrong, £2.99 a packet is hefty price tag) but the taste more than makes up for it and these are so worth it for a more indulgent clean snack. There are lots of flavours to choose from, but all are 100% raw, organic and natural. My favourite so far being the 'maca, figs, almonds and coconut' balls. High protein energy balls of dreams. Try them.

004. Bounce Balls - There really isn't a lot to say about these balls of yumminess - they come in a vast variety of flavours, some marketed as high protein hits, some as energy bursts, some for their antioxidant ingredients. At first glance these can seem quite high calorie with averagely 170-220 calories per ball depending on the flavour, but they are so filling and one of these post workout can keep me full for hours afterwards.

005. Saf Raw Activated Nuts - Being allergic to wheat and potato, savoury snacking becomes an issue. I can't even tell you how often I see someone eating a bag of salt and vinegar crisps and my mouth salivates at the thought of that flavour combination. I have searched high and low for some form of healthy salt and vinegar snack that is allergy friendly and finally I have found these salt and balsamic vinegar seasoned nuts and they literally live up to every salt and vinegar expectation that I have concocted in my head over the past 2.5 years.

006. Trek Peanut Power Energy Bars - I am a peanut fiend. Anything peanut flavoured has me sold, and these energy bars are a perfect replacement for more sugary post workout protein bars. No words. Just try.

The Importance of Selfishness

photo Screen Shot 2016-05-07 at 11.57.47_zpspfkbekkh.png

Life recently has been difficult. I had university deadlines, my work-life balance was almost non existent, my meals weren't anywhere near as nourishing and healthy as I would have liked, and in the middle of March I became incredibly ill. Whether this was a result of all of the above combined I am not certain, but what I am certain of is that it made me take a step back and really evaluate what is important in my life and what really isn't worth burning yourself out for. Sometimes it can be hard to admit that where we are and where we always thought we would want to be is far from where we actually want to be. Past weeks have felt like a struggle, moving two steps forward, one step back. I have to remember that that is still one step forward. Still one step in the right direction.

 Somewhere along the line over these past few weeks I seemed to have forgotten myself: forgotten those stollen moments of relaxation, those little things in life that really make me happy. It wasn't until I finished my work placement last Friday and I suddenly had hours of unfamiliar freedom stretching before me that I realised quite how much I had neglected this special time. Life got in the way, as it so often does, but now I have five months that I am going to fully dedicate to ME. Time to reflect on exactly how far I have come, how much hard work I have put in and the amazing results I have seen out of it. Time for my blog, time for my baking, time for photography and drawing and baths and walks. Time to make up for all those sleepless, stress filled nights over the past year of my life. 

So much 'me time' seems, at surface level, selfish. Women's health put it perfectly in their last issue, stating 'by embracing downtime, we perceive ourselves to be wasting time. Busyness is a badge of honour, often to the detriment of our own health and relationships'. But what really is the point in being so infinitely busy that you never actually have time to step back and reflect on what you have been so busy achieving? My problem is I am so eager to please all the time that I often find myself committing to things that deep down I know I don't want to commit to. I spent many years of my life partaking in responsibilities that made me miserable just because I found it hard to say no. From a young age we are taught that selfishness is an undesirable trait; we must share our toys and food, we must include everyone in our games, we must accept that we can't always get our own way... and although these are all valuable lessons, they also inadvertently teach us to feel guilty when deciding to put our own needs ahead of others, to feel narcissistic and self centred to take time for ourselves. So yes, care for others and be kind, but don't do this at the detriment of yourself. Selfishness in this sense is not selfish at all, but selfless. To care for yourself, to prioritise your own happiness and to most importantly love yourself how you wish to be loved by another is essential for a mentally healthy, fulfilling and rounded life. 

The bottom line is, despite its bad rep, being selfish really isn't a negative trait. No one else can care for yourself in the way that you can. No one else can look after your body, health and mind better than you, and ultimately taking time to do the things you enjoy will make you an all round happier person.

Gluten Free, Sugar Free, Raw 'Nakd' Bars

photo Screen Shot 2016-05-07 at 11.57.47_zpspfkbekkh.png

If you are a frequent reader of my blog, or follow me on instagram, then you will already be aware of the number of allergies that I live with. Along with these, I try to limit my refined sugar intake as much as possible. However, this can really limit food options, especially when you want more of a 'treat'. Having discovered Nakd bars fairly soon after my wheat allergy diagnosis I became a woman obsessed. As nice as these raw, gluten free and refined sugar free treats are, they come with a pretty hefty price tag and the pennies soon add up if you are frequently purchasing them. Because of this, and having noticed that a number of the bars contain very few ingredients I was inspired to try and make my own, combining my two favourite flavours 'Cashew Cookie' and 'Cocoa Crunch' to make my own 'Cocoa Cookie' flavour.

Ingredients (makes approximately 14 bars):
250g pitted dates
165g cashews
1 tablespoon raw cacao powder
40g gluten free soya crispies (can be substituted for rice crispies)
20g 90% or more dark chocolate

Method:
1. Use a food processor or Nutribullet to blend the cashews into powder form (depending on how smooth or rough you want the texture of your bars you can leave these as slightly larger chunks)
2. Add the dates to the processor and blend together
3. Add the crispies and cocoa powder and blend once more
4. Press your mixture into a baking tray or into a loaf tin and press down hard to compress the mixture into the corners. This is a sticky process but the stickiness of the dates is what holds your bars together so don't worry if this seems a bit messy!
5. Melt your dark chocolate and drizzle or spread over the top of your baking tray mixture.
6. Place in the fridge for 5 hours, or freezer for 1 hour to let the bars set
7. Cut and serve :)
(These are best kept refrigerated and will last for around a week after making!)

Each of these bars is gluten free, refined sugar free, raw and super easy to make! Leave your comments below and let me know if you've tried making these yourself and what you think!

A Very Honest Explanation

photo Screen Shot 2016-05-07 at 11.57.47_zpspfkbekkh.png

It is pretty hard not to notice that over the past few months my blog posts have been far less frequent, and truth be told I have intentionally put my blog on the back burner (a decision that was not easy for me to make, but sacrifices needed to be made and priorities chosen and after everything I've been through there was no question that my own mental and physical health had to come first). There was a time when my blog was the best thing in my world. I saw it as my baby: my little corner of the internet where I could write about my journey, write advice, review products... and amazingly people actually seemed interested in what I had to say. And then life got in the way, and blogging no longer felt like an outlet, but a chore. Not blogging manifested as a feeling of guilt, and my blog became one more stress in my already overwhelmingly stress filled life. A sad line to have to write at 22 years of age. I came to accept that maybe that was the way of the modern world. Maybe nowadays stress was paramount to success and survival in this increasingly fast paced generation. But really it isn't.

When I started my blog I made myself a promise to always stay true to myself... to never post for the sake of posting, to never project an opinion that I did not 100% believe to be true. And recently I realised that whilst I was writing about the importance of health and self love, I was actually failing to follow my own advice. I have unintentionally placed myself back in a series of increasingly stressful situations, I have over committed myself and refused to let go of the reins for fear of letting someone down. A feeling all too synonymous to the beginning of the slippery slope that caused this journey to 'recovery' in the first place. A slope that left me in a place far away from the peak of my health and happiness, and a place I am not willing to let myself knowingly and willingly slide back to.

As a result I ended up draining myself. Including time spend commuting I was working roughly 48 hours a week, I was maintaing this blog, I was doing freelance graphic design work, completing university assignments and presentations, meal prepping and trying to fit in intense training sessions practically seven days a week. I was waking up at 5.45 every morning, and not walking back through the door until 8 or 9 o'clock at night, at which time university work would be worked on until around 11 when I would finally allow myself some down time if I was lucky, before fitting in that 6 hour maximum sleep and starting all over again. Whilst all this was going on, unbeknownst to me my iron levels were slowly draining, eventually reaching the point I am now at with practically no iron storage whatsoever. It hit me like a ton of bricks; one day I was fine... the next I could barely get out of bed. My body decided that enough was enough. As much as it's breaking my heart inside to take this time off from training and blogging (my two biggest passions), the whole situation really opened my eyes to the stress that I was putting my mind and body under every single day. I regard my health in such high importance, having come from the place I have come from and travelled the journey that I have and it's heartbreaking to feel like this year of hard work could be snatched away in a matter of weeks if I don''t really take this time off to look after myself.

In a few weeks my life will be freed up a lot more; I finish my job and for the first time will have far fewer commitments. I plan to use that time to reconnect with my blog, to truly commit to my strength, training and health and most importantly to really look after myself.

So why blog now? Because I had an urge to. An overwhelming urge to write; and for the first time in months it felt like how it used to. Something so passionate came into my head that I couldn't not manifest it in some way. That, and the fact that I really appreciate my followers bearing with me and I felt like you all deserved an explanation. 

I'll be back. I promise.